I first saw this kind of post here.  

If I had married Josh: Our first residence would have been your grandmother’s home in Robertsdale that is located near the ranch where my father now lives.  We would spend weekends with Greg and Missy, getting drunk and having stupid fights.  Your mom would love me.  You would always have a spot in your heart for your ex-girlfriend and my good friend, Megan.  I would quit being friends with Megan for that reason alone.  I would have finished college at USA.  I’d have started with a major in pre-med, but would eventually get a nursing degree.  I would always wonder how my life would have been different if I had gone to BSC and not stayed to be with you.  We would only have had kids if your friends were having kids. 

If I married you: I can’t imagine that we would still be together.

If I had married Jason: We would live in Mobile and spend every Sunday having lunch with your family after going to that Methodist church your mom liked.  Your mother would still hate me for taking her baby away from her.  I would accompany you on weekend hauling trips. I would have gone to USA for grad school and have a master in counseling.  You would have helped pay for that degree.  I would work for some kind of non-profit and my goal would be to eventually start my own. My biggest adventure in life would have been college. 

You would be a member of the same hunting club as my grandfather and an MOT with my cousin Carl.  You would always help my dad mow the grass at the ranch.  You would work for your parent’s business until it went bankrupt.  At that point in time I’d try to convince you to go back to school, even though I know you would fail miserably at it.  I would still have trouble accepting the fact that I was married to a truck driver so I would always be pushing you to be more, do more, want more, feel more, more more more.  I would not respect you and you would resent me for that. 

I would compare our relationship to MH and Phil and would always think that they were happier than we were.  I would love how much you loved me and I would get satisfaction knowing that you were always in awe of what I had accomplished.  Your mechanical smarts would remind me why I loved you, even if you were a terrible Trivial Pursuit partner.  We would have a 5 year old by now and probably twin three year olds since having twins runs on both sides of our families.  You would be an amazing father. 

If I married you: we would both be unhappy and yet we wouldn’t be able to put our finger on why that was so.

If I had married D:  We weren’t together very long at all, but you’re the one that “got away”.  I often wonder where we would be now, 3 years after meeting in the basement of Atomic Billiards.  If we stayed together, we would definitely be married.  We would certainly be trying for a baby.   I would have pushed for us to move back closer to home and our families, so we would be living in Georgia.  You would still be in international development and I would have finally applied for and received a passport.  (I still don’t have one.) We would have started our honeymoon in Africa and you would have showed me the village where you did your Peace Corp volunteering.  The second part of our honeymoon would have been at a beach resort to make me happy! 

My friends would love you. Your friends would sometimes wonder how you ended up with someone that wasn’t into international work.  Our life would still seem like an adventure.  We would spend the weekends with our friends, when you were in country.  I would sometimes be frustrated by your long trips away from home, but grateful for the opportunity to live like a single person while you were gone.   You would be supportive of my running, coming out to work the water stops most weekends.  Perhaps, I’d have convinced you to start running as well.  You would be supportive of pretty much anything I decided to do.

I would always know that you weren’t quite sure of me and our relationship.  I would be frustrated about things you couldn’t change and would have spent years teaching you how to please me.  You would still think of your ex every now and then and wonder if you made the right choice of picking me over her.  Sometimes, when you were drunk, you would text or email her, much like you did to me for 2.5 years after you ended things with us to go back to her.    

If I had married you: I wouldn’t be an improviser or a triathlete.



Filed under Ex Files

2 responses to “If….

  1. I’m in love with this post. If I married your post I’d have beautiful babies and own a house in the country. I’ll do that for my numerous exes when I have something more creative than “If I had married you we’d still be fighting about your pot smoking and lazy football days”, and, “I’d be bored out of my mind but you’d have the best wife ever.”

  2. Adele

    I think that this sums things up, for me anyway.

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