Saturday: I went to the run clinic, but I missed most of the lecture. I slept late thanks to my inability to leave Archie’s party at a decent time. Improv people are funny and I hate to leave when I know more jokes are coming! However, I did make it for the drills portion of the day, and I learned some stuff from that….mainly to keep my chest up so that my lungs have space to “breathe”. This week I’ve worked more on my posture. It was hella hot this day and I really wasn’t feeling like running. But I met two great ladies on the team and we did a 1:1 (walk one minute/run one minute) for 40 minutes on the Curtis Trail. I felt good about the run and I was able to keep my heart rate around 150.
I spent the rest of the day hanging with Aunt Kathy and Maggie while we prepared for Heather’s shower the following Saturday. Even though I had not changed my clothes I went directly to meet Shea for dinner…someone was running late…I wonder who? We had a great dinner and even got to hang with Kate a bit as well. I didn’t want to leave the fun of hanging with them so after Kate got off work, I went with them to a party (still in my running gear….I.AM. MAY-JOR!)
Tuesday: Brian H. led a bike clinic on cycling tips. I rushed from Conte’s to the pool. I shared a lane with 3 other news Zs where we spent the whole practice doing the “catch up” drill. I felt like my stroke fell apart before coming back together by the end of practice. I did 18 strokes for 25 yards (the length of the pool).
Wednesday: This was a tough run for me. I was running late and traffic was stupid. I made it to the track 15 minutes after the start of the practice. As I waited in my car to turn left at a traffic light, I caught a glimpse of some fast runners on the track. That image, for whatever reason, was enough to bring the “voice” out full force. I found a great parking spot, but the dread of the run was really getting to me. I walked onto the side of the track. I saw a woman that I had ran with on Saturday….my head was saying…go join her…but my body was having none of that…I was rooted to my place. I stood there a few more minutes, just willing my body to set foot on the track, to not freak out, but I didn’t have it in me.
I could feel the tears starting to form. I knew it would be over my cold dead body before I would cry on the side of the track, so I hightailed it back to my car and almost made it before breaking down. Y’all, I was just one ball of negativity. I had so many negative things to say to myself…I’m too out of shape to be out there, who am I kidding, I’m not an athlete, I’m not dressed right, I’m to slow, to fat, to blonde, to ugly, to whatever else my hormonally imbalanced mind could throw my way. So I just let myself have a nice cry. I called Nikki’s cell, home, and work numbers trying to reach the only friend I have that was a cheerleader. I left a very sad and heartbreaking message on her voice mail. And then I pulled myself together. I could not imagine just going home. After all, I was in my workout clothes.
So I got out of my car and went for a walk in the neighborhood next to the school track. I walked uphill for 15 minutes and kept HR around 150. I started to feel better so I decided that on the turn around I would run the downhill back to my car. I spent the walk and run thinking about how far I have come from that first time I put on running shoes in May of 2005. I thought about the half and the full marathon, and the running a 4:1 pace when I’m with Shea, and how I ran a 5k in May of 2008, and that I did two freaking tris this year, and that what really matters is that I’m moving forward. Endurance sporting is about RFP (Relentless Forward Progress) and that’s what I’ve been doing.
As I was running back to my car, I passed the dreaded track. I thought about my favorite quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face… The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it… You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
So I did it. I walked to the track and made myself step on it. It took me 4 minutes exactly to do one lap. Which is a 16 minute mile, which is slow. But that wasn’t the victory. The victory was that I faced my fear and I did the thing I thought I couldn’t do.
Thursday: Swim workout. Still in lane one with the rest of the new Zs. I got the note to start breathing on my left side. I freaking hate breathing on my left side, but since my stroke is currently deconstructed, there is no better time to start breathing on the left. So it’s left side down and then breathing on the right side coming back. We did our first attempt at doing a posted workout today. 3 sets of 300 building from Z1 to Z4. I still find it hard to go 50 yards without breathing hard.
Friday: I did not notice at the time, but one year ago on September 20, 2007 I was admitted to the hospital for my blood clots. Obviously, that event will get it’s own post!
Saturday: Heather’s shower was a success!
Sunday: I met up with my friend, Improv Jenny for a ride around Hain’s point at 8:00AM. We cycled for about an hour. We weren’t very fast, but I did pedal most of the time instead of doing lots of coasting. I’ve noticed that I end up with a fair amount of chain grease on my inner right calf after my rides. As I coast, I sometimes rest my calf on the chain. After this days ride, I barely had any chain grease on my calf!
Goal progress: Two weeks of doing 4 workouts with the team done! This coming week and the next are recovery weeks for the team and there are not a lot of group workouts. I’m going to cut myself some slack here and just try to make what I can.